For the love of St Patrick
by joiedevivre2011
Summary: Maura gets hit on at The Dirty Robber during St. Patrick's Day celebrations and Jane has to step in. [one-shot]


I couldn't help myself. All day I've been thinking about a tweet I sent to Twitter!Jane about whether or not she had any Irish in her and laughing about how dirty it was. So all that led to this. I make no apologies for it. :)

Enjoy!

* * *

The Dirty Robber was packed. Despite its recent decor and menu changes, the turnout for a special night of celebrations for St. Patrick's Day was still numerous.

Regardless of the crowd, Maura had arrived early in order to assure that their group would have a booth for the festivities that evening. She had been sitting at the table for nearly an hour, alone and drinking a nice glass of malbec while she read through news articles on her iPad, before Jane texted her.

_15 minutes, tops. I swear. You're the best, Maur!_

_Are you walking or driving? _

_Driving. About to leave the station, but figured we'd just end up taking a cab to your house? I'll probably be drunk as a skunk before the night's over. It's St. Paddy's, Maur!_

_That does not give you liberty to binge drink, Jane. Maybe I should keep an eye on you all night._

_Ha. Good luck._

Ten minutes later Jane walked into The Dirty Robber. Spotting Maura across the room, she slinked over to the booth and slid in opposite her best friend. "Maur, you don't have on a lick of green. How many times have you been pinched today?"

"No one dare pinches the Queen of the Dead, Jane," Maura quipped with a wink. "Besides, just because you do not _see_ any green attire on my body does not mean that there is not, in fact, any on it." An eyebrow rose suggestively.

Jane blinked once before the meaning behind the medical examiner's words hit her. She groaned. "Why would you tell me that? I don't need to think about my best friend's under..._things_," she spat out. "But it's pointless if no one can see it."

"Then what would you suggest I do, Jane?"

Quickly the detective pulled a string of the green plastic beads around her neck over her head and held it out over the table toward Maura. "Here, put this on."

Maura scrunched up her nose in disgust as the proffered beads.

"Do you wanna get pinched, Maur?"

"It doesn't match my ensemble, Jane!" Maura's look was horrified.

"Suck it up, buttercup, or you run the risk of drunk men clamoring to pinch you, then trying to make up for it by buying you a drink." Jane tilted her head to the side, raising her eyebrows for emphasis. She shook the beads in her hand.

The honey blonde scrunched her nose up yet again. "Fine," Maura reluctantly agreed. Nimble fingers snatched the shiny plastic string of beads from Jane's hand and Maura sighed as she placed them over her head, lifting her hair to allow the cheap necklace to settle against her neck and chest.

"You'll thank me for this later, Maur," Jane promised.

"If I always have on these beads, how would I know that men wouldn't pinch me if I weren't wearing them?"

"Do you really want to take your chances?" the brunette asked, amused.

A heavy sigh. "No, not particularly."

"Just trust me. You're better off wearing them."

* * *

After everyone had arrived, Jane had switched sides of the booth and Maura had forced her to the inside because she claimed, "Ladies do not 'slide' into seats, Jane."

"Well that means you get mine and your next round of drinks. I'm almost out. Grab me another beer, Maur?" Jane smiled innocently for emphasis, despite the slight buzz growing inside.

"Jane, you've only been here an hour and a half."

"Decent timing, then. Please?"

Maura sighed, but agreed and made her way through the crowd to the bar.

The medical examiner herself had finished two glasses of wine and decided it was best to stick with what she had started the night drinking.

"A glass of Trumpeter and a Blue Moon, please," Maura ordered over the constant buzz of voices in the bar.

"You look like a very fine lady," said a man to Maura's right. He placed his hand gently on her lower back. "You certainly must be considering you just ordered a malbec to drink on St. Patrick's Day."

Maura stiffened immediately at the unexpected contact and turned to look at the actually good looking gentleman, approximately late 20s, perhaps early 30s, who had the nerve to invade her space in such a manner. He seemed innocuous enough, but she couldn't be too sure.

"What's your name, fine lady?"

She saw no harm in telling the gentleman her first name only, despite the fact that she was well known within the city. "Maura," she replied.

The man smiled and leaned in a little closer, lifting his left hand to brush Maura's hair back over her shoulder. "Tell me, Maura," he said. "Do you have any Irish in you?"

Light brown eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I'm sorry?"

"Do you have any Irish in you?" he repeated.

"Actually my biological father is at least half Irish, as I am unsure of his mother's lineage, though I suspect she too was of full Irish descent. I am not aware of my birth mother's lineage, though I suspect it is Western European, so I can safely tell you that I am of at least 25% Irish lineage."

For several seconds the man simply stood there, blinking, before he burst out laughing, clapping his hand against Maura's back.

Just then the bartender placed Maura's wine and Jane's beer directly in front of her, nodding in recognition. She placed her left hand on the stem of the wine glass and wrapped her right fingers around the handle of her best friend's beer mug.

"Ah, see, that's not exactly the response I was going for, fine lady Maura," he chuckled.

"Then please do tell me what answer you were expecting to receive by asking me about my Irish background."

"First I'm supposed to ask you if you have any Irish in you," he explained with a smirk. "Then you're supposed to say no, and finally I'm supposed to ask you if you'd like to."

Maura stood there, hands on the beverages, completely nonplussed. "I'm afraid I don't understand. Why would you ask me if I'd like to have Irish in me?"

"Because apparently he thinks that disgusting pick-up line is going to work on a woman like you," came Jane's low voice behind her.

Quickly the man pulled his hand away from Maura and took a small step back.

Jane pressed herself against Maura's back and reached over the shorter woman's shoulders to grab her fresh beer mug. "You okay?" she asked, lips close to Maura's ear. She felt Maura nod.

"I t-think I'm going to go now," the man stuttered, jerking his thumb toward the crowd.

"I think that's probably the best idea you've had all night," Jane replied, standing up straight, her lower half still close against Maura, her hand coming to rest on her best friend's waist.

Maura picked up her wine glass and spun around to face Jane. "I'm still confused by what he meant."

"It meant he wanted to have sex with you, Maura," the brunette explained with a smirk, taking a sip of her Blue Moon.

"He wanted to-ohhh," Maura replied, her eyes widening in surprised understanding. "That's horrendous and possibly the worst pick-up line I've ever heard, much less been subjected to."

Jane took another sip of her beer and squeezed Maura's waist just slightly.

"Thank you for rescuing me, Jane," Maura beamed.

Shrugging, the brunette simply took Maura's hand in her own and lead her back through the crowded bar to their table, where everyone was waiting.

* * *

The rest of the night was full of laughter and more beer. Eventually Maura insisted that Jane order something to eat, and reluctantly agreed that a burger and chips, which had been re-added to the Robber's menu for the St. Paddy's Day festivities, were better than nothing.

Maura ended up eating nearly half of Jane's burger and some of her chips that Jane was forced to place yet another order for them to have full meals.

As the conversation and alcohol flowed freely, so did both Jane and Maura's hands. On many occasions, Jane found Maura's hand higher than normal on her thigh, but the beer had her feeling good and buzzed, so she didn't particularly mind.

Surprisingly, Maura had become drunker than Jane had ever seen her before, and because the honey blonde became less inhibited, laughing freely, Jane instantly decided that she liked it. She knew she'd have to try more often to get her best friend intoxicated, if only to see her laugh more often than normal.

When Frost, Frankie, and Korsak began to recount stories from chasing and hunting down perps, Maura saw her chance to act on a plan that had been brewing in her head since the man crudely hit on her at the bar.

"Jane," Maura giggled softly, her hand placed delicately high on Jane's thigh as she leaned in close to her ear.

The brunette smirked and leaned away slightly to look at Maura.

"D'you have any Irish in you?"

Laughter instantly burst from the brunette's lips and she nudged Maura with her shoulder. "C'mon, stop it."

Maura gripped Jane's thigh harder to get her attention. "Answer my question!" Maura whispered, laughing.

Jane turned to Maura, the corner of her mouth still turned up in laughter. "No, Maura. I don't have any Irish in me. Only Italian."

"Would you like some Irish in you tonight?" Giggles were now spilling quickly from the honey blonde's lips.

"I think it's time to get you home, Maura," Jane replied, swallowing hard. "You're a little too drunk if you're asking me questions like that."

* * *

As Jane helped Maura stumble slightly through the door, the honey blonde dropped her purse and pulled off her heels, setting them gently on the floor by her purse. Jane stood with her back against the now closed front door, watching Maura curiously.

The honey blonde stood up straight and smoothed out her skirt before stepping close to Jane. "You didn't answer my question, Jane."

"You didn't ask me one," Jane replied, brows knitted in confusion.

"At The Dirty Robber, Jane," Maura explained. "You didn't answer my question. You merely told me it was time to go home. Now we're here and I want an answer to my question."

"Don't be ridiculous, Maura."

"Deflection. Classic Jane," the honey blonde responded. "Do you want some Irish in you tonight, Jane?"

Jane swallowed hard.

"I think you do, but you're too afraid to say yes. Do you know how I know you want to say yes, Jane?" Maura asked quietly, stepping even closer to Jane, their lower halves pressed together as she placed her hands on her best friend's hips. "Because when I ask you that question, your pupils dilate, indicating the thought of me being inside you arouses you."

"Maura." Jane's voice caused a pang of arousal to hit Maura right between the legs.

Slowly Maura lifted her right hand to caress Jane's cheek before slowly trailing her fingers over the defined jaw, long neck, and finally down Jane's chest to the edge of her green scoop neck shirt. "Yes or no, Jane?" She maintained eye contact with her best friend.

The next thing Maura knew, she was being spun around and pressed against the door. Jane was flush against her, breathing hard as her eyes flickered from her lips to her eyes and back.

"Oh for the love of St. Patrick, Jane. Would you just kiss me already?"

Jane smirked and dropped her head down, grazing her lips against her best friend's. She pulled back to observe Maura, only to be yanked back down for one of the most intense kisses she had ever had.


End file.
